The Last Unicorn
The Last Unicorn
I was nine years old and was convinced that I had magical powers.
I imagined that I can speak to animals and that I could divert thunderstorms, heavy wind, and rain from our house. I thought I could sense what happens in the future, read peoples stories, and see their colorful lights.
No one else could see my magical powers, so I doubted them. Pushed them down and tried to ignore them.
I remember my mum taking me into a cinema to watch a movie. It was called "The Last Unicorn". It was about a unicorn who lived lonely but content in his evergreen forest. One day two hunters came into her forest and recognized because of the presence of the unicorn, they will never hunt anything there. The unicorn eavesdropped them as they called into the woods, that she should stay where she is and watch out for her wood, as she is the last. But unicorns do not just disappear that way.
A butterfly told her that they disappeared long ago, hunted by a red bull.
This gorgeous unicorn, the last of its kind. Lonely. And yet full of magic.
As a result, the unicorn was setting out to find this bull and the other unicorns. The unicorn met the magician Schmendrick and the robber bride Molly, who accompanied her and helped her with dangers.
As they came to the castle, where the red bull lived in, the red bull found her and chased her. Schmendrick, the magician, used his magic and commanded her to do whatever she wants. Thus, the unicorn is transformed into a being that does not interest the bull: a human being.
She gave up her original appearance to safely free her fellow friends from captivity.
I remember myself sitting on the backseat while driving home, staring at the setting sun and deeply convinced that I have magical powers. That I AM this gentle and powerful magical unicorn.
And this beautiful, gentle and powerful being gave up its natural form to be safe. And so did i.
I gave up to feel the tingling energy that was running through my body.
I refused to look into the night sky and to feel the pain about the loss of the connection to my real home way above.
I pulled a thick blanket over my head to force me into a narcotic sleep.
And later I numbed my senses with food and alcohol.
Why? Because of a voice inside that told me: Who do you think you are? A magical unicorn? You are crazy! Don't make me laugh!
I shut me down.
This girl, who just wanted to be seen. To feel, that she is NOT the last of its kind and not to feel desperately lonely.
got quiet and still. She stopped talking about stardust and rainbows and light pouring out of her hands.
dimmed her fire so she would not blind anyone.
put on a hard, thick, and impenetrable coat so no one could hurt her anymore.
Abyssal loneliness and grief swallowed her. And she almost died.
She felt her body getting heavier and tighter. Imagine: Sitting in a room with no windows and with thick concrete walls that move more and more towards you until they crush you.
With voices in her head that she has gone crazy. Like great aunt, Fanny.
They didn't notice her. They couldn't see her at all. She cried, but no one heard her. And so she decided it's better to stay invisible than to feel the pain of not been seen.
Throughout my years of healing, I peeled off every piece of skin that was not mine, layer after layer.
And my healing journey was "simply" prompted by burnout and a previous deeply traumatizing relationship with a cocaine and alcohol dependent criminal man (That's another BIG story of my life: Running again & again into abusive relationships and healing my co-dependency).
I softened the harsh places, embraced the broken parts, and fueled the tired bones. I searched every corner of my soul and body for lost parts of my spell.
There are still some spots I haven't uncovered.
And thank goddesses (or the universe, or whatever it's right for you...), I was finally able to connect with the divine magic inside of me.
Here's a sneak peek from my 13 years healing journey, from all of the beautiful work I learned and explored and how I learned to use my body as a power center:
Tantra: Connected me to my most sacred spot – my womb & my heart. Where galaxies were born out, from which everything comes. My superpower. The gift of healing through sensual unconditional touch and using sensuality as an igniter for my suppressed fire.
Shamanic work: To unravel the connection to the divine in me and strengthen the ability to trust my intuition and my supernaturally subtle senses. I am a clairvoyant healer and medium. Period.
Visionquest: The beauty of stillness and nature. To feel safe under the vast open sky in the desert. The divine wisdom of my guru inside of myself. Falling into Mother Earth's arms and feeling held. So held. Meditation. Bliss.
Biodynamic Body Psychotherapy: Helped me release the stuck parts of my body and free the stuck emotions and trauma. To feel wildly alive.
The holy power of women circles: Your warm embrace, your reflecting mirrors in love, and your wisdom are priceless.
Business Work: To see and heal my limiting beliefs, to reveal more of the power inside of me.
The truth is:
If you put yourself into a prison, you cannot be found. (aka shine, so the other unicorns can see you!)
You don't have to do it alone. (Farting rainbows together is pretty much fun!)
There's effing much magic out there and inside of you. (I can see you!)
How do you find your light again?
Darling, the question itself confirms, that you carry this light inside of you.
Open your eyes, make yourself aware, and ready for the embassies. Maybe you see an animal crossing your way. Look for the description (power animals). A quote which catches your eyes. A human being who touches you more than ever. A tingling in your body. Watch out and listen. And take action: Follow these signs.
And well, if your pain is so vast and unbearable, give yourself a kick in your sweet botty and search someone, who has already found the light. And let her support you.
So now tell me in the comments or directly to firstname.lastname@example.org:
When did you dim your light?
Where do you shrink?
Where do you expand?
P.S.: While writing this article, I was on a spiritual business retreat in Hawaii with other beautiful unicorns and cried. Tears of redemption. Freedom. Another part of the imprisoned magic was released. And the night before I flew to Hawaii, I had the strong urge to hang my new picture of the Unicorn in a Hoodie by Jeremy Enecio. Pretty magical, right?
Text: © Elke Hannig Photos: Elke Hannig Pixabay sad-505857 Pixabay milky-way-1023340_1920